Coming up soon I am going to be putting up my very first review of the game, Commander Blood and I really feel it necessary to organize some form of ranking system with which to classify these games. There will be no 10-point scale, nor a letter grade with which we categorize the games we play. Instead we are going to go on a scale I like to refer to as, “The Me Scale”. It captures the pure essence of my feelings when I discuss games. I’m always a very polite person and tone is important here, which can be lost with the written word, so I felt it important to offer some insight as to what the scale means.
Bibblin’ My Jibblies - Please understand that the term, “Bibblin’ My Jibblies,” is a very academic term. For centuries, erudites from across the globe would shout to the rooftops of their workshops about the state of their Jibblies and the degree within which they are bibblin’. For me, it is no different! The term Bibblin’ My Jibblies, is when a game is erupting the neurons on all fronts with stimuli. It is a game that meets my needs in such a strong fashion that there is nothing but pure ecstasy upon reflection. Few ever hold fast to the point of bibblin’ said jibblies, so it is important to note that when something is in fact bibblin’ my jibblies that it could mean no higher praise.
Oooooh! - A term that says, “Tell me more,” or, “You have my interest,” Oooooh! is reserved for a game that keeps me moving through the journey like a donkey being strung along by a carrot. I’m happy to get to the destination and receive the carrot, but I need just a tiny bit of motivation to keep moving along. This is the sign of a very good game. It has a decent hook, it is fulfilling, but the carrot doesn’t release the endorphins to the level of a right jibbly bibblin’.
Yeah, No - My midwest american heritage is showing with this classification. “Yeah, no,” is a term that we midwesterners use in a variety of ways. In a conversation it can mean, “I’m with you. I agree,” but it can also mean, “Ehhhhhhh you’re offbase.” It is that opaque term that in this case means that there is some good and some bad. Yeah, I liked the presentation, but I didn't really like the mechanics. Yeah, the controls are fantastic, but there were some really bad puzzles. When I say, “Yeah, no,” it means that it is just alright and definitely not one to be confused with, “It’s Fine.” Speaking of which…
It’s Fine - When I say that it’s fine, I most certainly mean that it is not fine. “It’s Fine,” is reserved for the stuff I’m not enjoying, but merely tolerating. It is inoffensive, but more importantly, it isn’t interesting. “It’s Fine,” is always preceded with a bit of a sigh and a small modicum of my spirit leaving me to be attached to the game I am playing. There is so little to be said about a game of this category outside of, “It’s Fine.”
I Don’t Know - OH I KNOW! But I am too nice to say I felt the game was bad. “I Don’t Know,” is the antithesis of bibblin’. It is a state of being that just says, “This is not worth my time digging in to and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings so I am just gonna grit my teeth and say the words.” I say these things in the way that I do because I genuinely hate the idea of criticism to invalidate. I don’t want folks to think that my lack of enjoyment for something is the invalidation of an opinion. I don’t rely on the tropes of hate and rage on the internet so it is tough for me to go out on a limb and destroy a game. Instead, I will talk about what does and doesn’t work for me, shrug my shoulders and just… I don’t know.
So! With that out of the way, be prepared for a very professional and objective use of the, “Me Scale,” because remember; video games are serious business and should be handled with pure and unadulterated objectivity at all times! Nah I’m just messin’ with ya.
To Humor,
Jonathan